Monday, January 6, 2014

The inner me, the outer me.

It took me a year and a half to take off 36 pounds. Most of my loss was in the second half of 2012 and I maintained my weight for quite a bit of 2013. The second half of 2013 was a doozy though. 
We had a LOT to deal with and I put on a few pounds in September and October...and then in November, I put on ELEVEN pounds. Eleven pounds in a month. 
After a LOT of getting into my own head and getting out of my own way, I think I have managed to pull myself part of the way onto the track that I want to be on. 
The inner me is still waiting for my insurance card so I can go see a doctor about getting some help with my depression. 

I am slowly getting my nutrition back on track, I am trying to remember portion size at each meal. It sounds silly to me to say that I forget, but I think I get caught up in eating and I don't think about it...especially at night. If I am going to have a downfall, it is usually dinnertime. 
I ended the holiday season with gaining 2 pounds; this wouldn't be a terrible thing except that puts my gain up to 20 pounds this year....not even this year, since September. 

The outer me has been very busy with all the holiday gatherings and general hoopla. I haven't been getting much exercise per se, but I have been very busy and feeling very worn out. I haven't been home with my family in several years and am not used to all the excitement, so its been a bit taxing...but in a good way! 
I finally bit the bullet and bought a pair of boots so I can go walk outside in the wintertime...unfortunately, we were just dumped on with about 14 inches of snow and the temp today was -50 with the wind chill! 
So needless to say, I will be waiting for the temp to get back up to above zero, lol! 
The roads have been terrible as well, the plows weren't able to keep up so walking on the roads is out of the question and the sidewalks are buried with not only the snowfall, but also what was plowed off of the roads. 

I am also still waiting for my work schedule, its really frustrating to know that I have a job but don't have a clue of when I will be starting! Patience is NOT my strong suit! 
The good news is that I will definitely be more active once I start. My sister will be giving me a ride to the bus in the mornings while it is so cold out and I will either get a ride home from her or take a cab, but once it warms up a know ABOVE 0, I can walk the mile to the bus stop and home. 

Since I am being nice to myself and trying to only take one day at a, I am doing ok and feeling pretty hopeful. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The one where I am supposed to say "I'm Gonna..."

Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna.... 
I am not going to start changing tomorrow. What's wrong with today, or with a few days ago which is actually when I started making the changes that I want to carry over into the new year. 

EVERYONE in my family made ham for holiday dinner, we had ham on Christmas Eve here at home, on Christmas day my aunt made ham and (oddly enough) fried catfish...not sure when she started that tradition, lol! We also went to my older sister's on Saturday and SHE made a ham as well! 
If I don't see another ham for 6 months I will be perfectly fine with that! 

I am still craving salads at home, especially after nibbles here and there of all the holiday food that has been around, I just want something lighter and my tummy is having all sorts of troubles. I think the tummy troubles are from the increased amount of sugars that I have been eating. I usually only have sugar in my coffee in the mornings, but like I said before, a cookie here and there and a sweet there and get the idea. 

The problem with craving salads in the winter is that nothing is tasting right to me, even though they grow all of the out of season items either in greenhouses or import them from somewhere, they just aren't as good when they are out of season. Maybe its just an idea that got into my head, or maybe they REALLY aren't as yummy, but either way...they don't seem to be as tasty. 
My salad solution is to go to the fresh market up the road, they have a great salad bar there. Maybe its because its organic, or maybe its because grocery stores have better vegetable storage methods, I don't know, but I have been stopping by there every couple of days and making a salad. Prices aren't too bad either, it ends up about 5.00 for a salad that will last me for 2 meals if I pair it with soup or a slice of bread. (They also have a great soup bar!) 
The salad bar is also nice because I can add grapes on the side and since it is super fresh, I don't need any dressing at all with it....none, high fat, low fat, or otherwise...none! 

Yesterday was my beau's 45th birthday. He has been having a hard time since his mom passed, all the 'firsts' are getting to him so I have been trying hard to make things extra nice. We went out for lunch on Sunday, just the two of us, and then went to see The Hobbit. We stopped and got a salad and soup on the way home. My sister also insists that we all get to go out to eat for birthdays but we elected to just stay in and we ordered pizza to be delivered and she also got him a cake for after dinner. 
I had to go with to pick out a cake for him because he is allergic to coconut products, chocolate cake is his favorite, and most chocolate items contain coconut oil. We picked out a fudge layer cake and everyone ate a small slice was tooth numbingly sweet! 

I got my new baby fix on Saturday as I got to meet my new nephew. He is such a good baby and put up with myself and my brother's fiancee fussing with him, it was the first time she got to see him too, there is nothing like that new baby smell. Funny thing is that my niece cannot figure out what all of us old ladies are talking about when we talk about the new baby smell...she said she just smells a clean person, we tried explaining that its not a clean smell, its a NEW smell! Just like guys dig the new car smell I guess! 
He doesn't have much hair, but what he does have is red, more of a strawberry blond, not surprising since there are quite a few gingers in my family. It might change though, my youngest daughter was the same when she was born but is very blond now. 

Call a cab tonight if you have the need, there are many companies offering free rides to those who may have celebrated a bit too hard. 
Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve. 
Take care and love yourself! 

Friday, December 20, 2013


There was a commercial I saw on t.v. a couple of months ago, and it bugged the heck out of me every time it was on and every time I think about was Nestle Tollhouse. 
The commercial opens with a teenage girl mooning over a picture of a boy and asks 'Can you heal a broken heart with a bundt cake? Of course you can!' As it shows the loving mother bringing in a slice of cake topped with chocolate chips. 

Please don't misunderstand me, I know they are just advertising their product in the quest for the almighty dollar, but I find that the older I get, the more I hate the mainstream media. Actually, I hate a lot of things, the MSM, GMO, big business, and the DMV....but I digress....back on topic! 

I had just about suppressed that t.v. commercial from my memory and something happened today that brought it back to the front of my mind. 
My nephew is off school for the holiday break, and in order to keep the peace in the house, I have just been staying out of his way. A quick note, he doesn't call me 'Aunt' either because he is a pain in the butt teenager, or because he is 17 and thinks that is not how adults address each other, this point comes into my story soon.... 

He was watching something on t.v. in the living room when I got up and on my sister's laptop...which is usually my morning routine, lol. I just made breakfast and came back downstairs and watched my morning news and Rachel Ray show on the tv that HE usually uses in the den since my beau was still asleep in our room. When he decided to come downstairs and gave me a 'look' for 'being in his spot' I just went upstairs. A bit later he came up and made himself breakfast, a few eggs and a few slices of toast. 
As soon as he was done, I cleaned up the kitchen and made a quick stirfry for my lunch. It was nothing fancy, but I have been experimenting with stirfry for awhile now and it did smell good. Needless to say, he is a 17 year old boy and has the bottomless pit stomach to go with it, he came upstairs and asks what I'm making and starts stirring things around in my pan...which irks me to no end, but I am playing nice! Even though he just ate, he is ready to eat again and asked if he could have some, when I told him 'Sure.' He was all like 'Oh Aunt Tracy, this is so good!' And he proceeded to be quite polite to me the rest of the day. He doesn't get like that when I make dinner, maybe its because when I make dinner, its a regular evening (I am usually the one who makes supper because my sister and bro in law work so many hours). I think that because he had already eaten, he didn't think I would share it. 
All of a sudden, that stupid commercial was back in my head! 

I always thought that it was something in my didn't have a lot of money, so snacks and treats were always reserved for super special occasions. Even my favorite Christmas memory has to do with a treat....Grandpa sitting with me in front of the fireplace helping me roast a perfect marshmallow. Even to this day, I cannot eat a burnt marshmallow, I would rather skip the treat all together than eat a marshmallow that was on fire. 

I think that eating / being fed has been equal to being cared for since the dawn of man. I just bet that the cavemen that got the cavewoman was the one who was able to secure the food. 
Like any other animal on earth, at a primal level, the number one priority is to pass on your genes. If your mate UggaBugga doesn't bring home a dinosaur steak every so often...or if UggaBugga turns into the eat-EE instead of the eat-ER, his genes go nowhere. Even now, its like a mating ritual, every species has one. In this day and age, at least in my part of the world, if someone asks a person out on a date, isn't it going out to dinner? Maybe I am making a generalization, but you get my drift.... 
Eons later the survival of the fittest has evolved into the survival of the fattest, and by surviving I mean trying to get thin again! 

Why is it that the first thing I do if I am planning to have someone visiting my home is to plan what I will make for them. And its not like I plan simple things, I really feel like I am showing that I care by making a nice meal. 
I don't know if everyone's life seems centered around food (by everyone, I mean people that are and always have been thin), is this even something that I can overcome? Will I ever 'be better'?